How Emotional Closeness Hurts

The territory of human relationships is where most drama occurs, and where some of the most tormenting things happen. One of them is the paradox of pain and love. Sure, some will immediately disagree here, as true love cannot leave any room for pain or other negativity. That's exactly what I want to discuss about - the part in which love and pain coexist, because 'love' has not found its way to completeness, or because of certain weaknesses.

The most common pattern is to place blame on the other. For those who engage in the blaming process, it may never end, as it is very difficult to trace back who was the very first to do harm.

In closeness,  it can be almost impossible to trace such, because the common channel is so strong, that any harmful approach (it can be about work, family, social status, health - anything that upsets one person at a given moment) will be felt by the other. This one will mostly react to it, but without knowing what it was and where it was coming from. It's the reaction to a subtle change in energy. If taken personally, the 2nd individual will add their own share of negative energy. This, in turn, will affect the first one, who is already vulnerable. The loop is created, until one finds the power to make a shift, to meet the negative changes with a deal of positive energy (love, support, openness).

These situations are very common ones, and because extremely few people realize what (and why) is actually going on, they experience upset, pain and separation.

It is of great harm to speak badly of someone, especially to tell it to their face and ESPECIALLY to tell it to those who are very close to you emotionally... because the strong common channel will transmit it immediately and it will manifest as a reality.

We've seen this many times: a stranger saying a bad word to us because we parked our car badly or any other mundane thing will have no or very little effect on us. But a loved one expressing a negative feeling will be an upsetting, if not a crushing experience.
Now, this reality is up to the strength of the receiving person. If they are strong enough, they will guard themselves from your attack. If they are in a weak or receptive phase (receptive is highly probable) they will absorb the negative thought pattern and WILL BECOME what it guides them to be. That is the very tricky part, where the 'accuser', the self-created victim who has labeled the other as harmful, thinks of himself as righteous to consider so, ignoring any of his contributions to the current state of affairs.

The first solution is objective detachment and a very good investigation of the subjective issues.There has to be a rough and realistic investigation of cause and effect, cause and effect, tracked to as far back as possible. If it is very hard to do or impossible, then simply take the current situation. With the knowledge of how you got into the loop, you can escape it. Just make the shift, bring a healthy approach in order to raise the quality of the energy in the relationship! When reasoning and anything else hasn't worked, the gap can be cleared by giving the only things ever needed in first place: attention, support, affection. Do not push them onto the other, just make them genuine. Refuse any further downfall and be there, where you want yourself and the other to be. If you climb down the stairs, you may drag your beloved ones too. If you climb them up, they're very likely to follow.