6 July 2015

Posted by Anna Notaras | File under : , , , , , , ,
As one who's been analyzing dating and romance for years, I could never understand blind dating. Why do people ever do that? For the thrill perhaps? OK, I'm not into bungee jumping but others are, so it must be a similar situation.

Still, blind dating is awkward by default. It does not create the grounds for attraction. It's probably the strangest form of dating and is totally unnatural. I will explain why.

Here is the usual way attraction works. Regardless of where you are, you need at least a few moments for observing the other. In fact, the more time you have to observe them without them being aware of you, the better. The biggest passions were born when people were able to observe their chosen one for a long time before they actually met. It's a sage way -- they don't see you or know you, but you are free to analyse them. It's essential and totally beneficial.

Even if it's someone you meet in a bar, it's better to have at least 5 minutes prior to your first talk to just observe each other in that environment. It's simply how attraction is born. You get to see how they move, how they interact etc., without the nervousness, the stress that comes when they're actually dealing with you.

When you're having a blind date, you know nothing about them. You find yourself right in the middle of it and you can't freely observe. You have to present yourself nicely and carry out a conversation. It could be my very own way of falling in love, but I tend to believe it works for everyone else, too. Blind dating just cannot work. Instead, go out (or on the web) and prowl; have a look around and see who catches your eye. See how they behave and what feeling you get from them. Take your time. Be casual. Talk to them but don't jump to dating. When you push for a first date, especially if it's a blind one, it's hard, if not impossible, to avoid the awkwardness and the embarrassment.
Posted by Anna Notaras | File under : , , , , , ,
Recently, American singer Ciara has been trending on social media sites after her boyfriend mentioned they decided not to have sex before marriage. It appears that the social media popularity of this news is mostly due to the shockwave it has created.

Looks like exactly those people who would usually say, "It's their life, people should choose to live it however they please" are horribly judging this Christian couple. No surprise here. You are free to do whatever you please unless it's something Christian. Still, I can't understand why the hypocrisy isn't obvious to more. Or maybe it is...?

Yes, Ciara and her man are absolutely free to choose how to live their life as a couple. If we have rainbow profile pictures celebrating gay marriage rights, we could as well celebrate the option of being abstinent. Why don't we?

In a hyper-sexualized culture, it's hard to understand why would anyone want to become abstinent. Science, human experience etc. have enough means to prove that it's OK or even better to be abstinent. How about the spiritual side though? Well, it's both simple and very complicated. The simple way is saying that those people trust God and His choice of making them come together. So they will marry and only after that make love to each other. The complicated explanation goes like this: when you want to share your life with someone, you have to get to know them well. You'd better focus on their mind, their soul, their life, their views and opinions, their ways to handle different situations etc. Too often sex just takes away from all that. It's hard to focus on what truly matters if you're in heat, thinking of and planning your next shag. It's totally admirable that there are couples who want to focus on the essential things (that will make or break their relationship) instead of catering to the physical side and being absorbed in it. And after all, this decision is only temporary. When the wedding is over and done with, they can start their sexual life.

You can sleep with anyone. You can find sexual compatibility quite easily. However, you won't find other types of compatibility so easily. It's terribly hard to find someone who's a great match. You will say that sexual compatibility matters, too. That's right, but do you know what gets to ruin sex? Fear, a lack of trust, lack of communication, the fact that you don't know each other that well etc. On the other hand, when you know you absolutely adore the person next to you and you know you will get married and totally belong to each other, that's when the true liberation occurs.

That's when all the anxieties are dissolved, when you can finally embrace the passion because you know them and you love them. Waiting until marriage is like saying: "I'm taking my time to get to know you. It's fine like this, I want to focus on it, without sex clouding my mind. We will have plenty of time for that. I'm certain I'm making the right choice and absolutely sure that what we already have is the best I can get."

Abstinence doesn't happen just because "God said no" and people are blindly following the Bible. It happens because they understand the benefits and have a different focus. The kind of focus that truly matters, that will release amazing passion after marriage and will make them happy in the long run.
Abstinence is a mature choice and it should be respected.