10 November 2016

If you want to hide away from someone or never have them in sight, Facebook lets you hide their posts and all activity. So conveniently, just as if they didn't exist. At the same time you can avoid conflict and hard feelings because you're still in each other's friends list. But an unfriend... that is a whole different story.

Unfriending is brutal. It hurts. It stands for “I don't want you in my life anymore”. “I'm completely done with you”. “I have nothing left to say to you, only a virtual door to slam in your face.”

"So this woman I was talking to unfriended me..."

You will find loads of articles on this topic and they all tell you the same – which is actually true in many cases. A woman unfriending you is most likely 100% done with you (and you probably exhibited impardonable behaviour). If you've discover a woman you were dealing with has unfriended you (doesn't matter the depth of the relationship you were in, the insight is universally valid), it is not the end.

Unfriending is not the end

You may feel now like a ray of hope is shining through, but you don't quite know what to do about it, still. Yes, she is angry with you. Yes, she may not be able to forgive you. Yes, she virtually slammed that door in your face, as she considered there is no more room for niceties. When this happens, you have to do the following.

Acknowledge what happened

Unless the woman is a total lunatic (hints: has no friends, does drugs, is an alcoholic, is usually antisocial), you must simply acknowledge the fact that you did something that is simply not right in her cards. You are guilty and she's taking you out of her life for that. Leave your ego aside and just accept that. It is the first condition to your healing and perhaps to healing the relationship or friendship you had. It's time to be LUCID and that ego and hurt pride will not help you become lucid.

The Unfriend may just be your best chance at it

I know you're going to be shocked at what I say but it is the truth. After all, don't women do all sort of things that men label as illogical? This is one of them, but if you pay attention and look deeply into it, you will actually find it much more logical than any other version you may have. So pay attention.

She wants you to STEP UP

It's a fact of life and of female psychology and you have to believe it. I've done it countless times, my female friends have done it and women worldwide will continue to do it. Yes, in most cases a woman who's unfriended you will not want to hear from you again... but trust me, it won't hurt if you ASK ABOUT IT. In fact, it will help you know where you truly stand and will make you look like an involved, straightforward, honest and responsible person.

Therefore, what you must do now (and it's counter-intuitive!) is to CONTACT HER!
That's right. What she did was to step away from you and create a gap. She gave you space, so she can see what you're going to do with that space. Now, there is only one way you can come out clean and rehabilitate yourself: contact her.

Why unfriend when you can block?

Stop and think about this for a moment. If she wanted to never hear from you again, she would've blocked you. Heck, that Facebook feature is helping millions of people worldwide keep bullies, psychos and abusers away. It's simple and effective. Yet she didn't do that... she only unfriended you. Now doesn't it seem like a milder thing? It is the milder thing. You can still send her a message. You can contact her friends.

You see, unfriending is a woman's way to force you to act out. Your consequent attitude will give her the answers she needs: did he really care about me? Was he really invested or just playing me? Is he man enough? Is he worthy of another chance? You may think it's the end of the road, but it's not. And even if it is, you have the duty to contact her and ask her about her decision. Trust me, this is the best you can do. It's only logical: if she wanted you completely out of the picture, she would've BLOCKED YOU. I've seen countless situations like this and this is the way females act. We want you to step up and BE A MAN. She probably invested time in whatever you had. And emotions. No one wants to waste an investment. This is your chance to repair what was broken. It may not be easy, as she is hurt, but she wants you to prove your worth.

Women are looking for reliable men, not for wussies who turn their back and give them the silent treatment, or who put up a fight with them. We have our own sensibilities, we have the PMS and a lot of other things that make us the sensible and moody ones. We don't want to waste our time with guys who don't commit and who aren't strong enough to be in a couple. We require mental strength and if you have it, this is your chance to prove it.

So, my friend, take an honest look at what you want from yourself, your life, from her.

If there is anything worth saving, you can save it.

Pull yourself together. I know you are probably mad or hurt, but that is your ego and the ego is not a substitute for dignity. What you must have is dignity, not pride. If you contact her and she engages in a fight, don't fret. If it's the end, she'll just be silent or she'll tell you clearly. But if she engages in a fight, it means there are issues left unsolved and the best thing to do is to solve them. No matter how painful, just go through it!


  1. This situation is very relatable. I’ve seen other relationship advisors say don’t break the 30 day contact rule. So in this situation we ignore the 30 day no contact rule?

  2. Thank you so much.
    God bless you.

  3. Hmm, I never thought about it that way.